


can you see my brain?

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Kissing, M/M, This Is Not For The Faint Hearted, Underage Drug Use, he thinks jaemin can read his thoughts lmao, jaemin is a confident lil asshole !, renjun is paranoid w a weak heart, they get high lol but at this point who doesnt get high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 19:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16070102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “i know how to make you stop thinking.”





	can you see my brain?

something twists under renjun’s ribs. something snakes up his insides, and slithers around his heart in a vice grip. it won’t let go.

the soft light of renjun’s lava lamps flit over jaemin’s face, the colors morphing around his features. his lips are stuck in a soft smile, his eyes are closed. he looks happy, peaceful, and it makes something inside renjun move.

his hands shake. the smoke in the air is colored red, blue, pink, green. his eyes are dry and his throat is even drier. his brain throbs inside his skull, pulsating with thoughts so strange it makes his cheeks flush.

he could kiss jaemin right now, he could lean over and press their mouths together. he could blame the slip of tongue on the drugs. he could blame anything on the drugs, at this point. _but does he want to?_

the moment the thought crosses his mind, jaemin’s eyes crack open. his gaze pierces through renjun’s body, as if he’s peeking into renjun's brain. a shiver moves up his body, from his socked feet to his fingertips, and back up to his neck.

“renjun,” the deep voice startles him, he jumps and a hand circles around his wrist. the voice is low, quiet. almost inaudible. “you are thinking. _so. loud._ my eyes were closed, and i could still tell you’re panicking.” renjun’s eyes dart between jaemin’s gaze, and the fingers enclosing his wrist. jaemin presses his thumb down on the soft part, where his veins are, and his fingers fall open.

“i’m okay.” renjun says, he really isn’t. he isn’t inebriated, just high, so he has no reason to believe his thoughts aren't his own feelings. an image of him and jaemin pressed together, closer than friends, projects itself onto his mind. he squeezes his eyes shut to push it away.

jaemin sends him a smirk, and renjun almost hears the wind say, _he knows._

“you aren’t okay. come here, baby,” jaemin’s grasp on his wrist loosens, then disappears. he pats the small space between them, and renjun feels his heart pound in his chest, in his stomach, in his arms, in his head. he hears the blood rushing.

renjun inches closer, until jaemin slips his arm around renjun’s waist and pulls him flush against his body. he rolls them over, and renjun’s legs fall on either side of jaemin’s hips. the position is strangely intimate, but jaemin is smiling as if everything is alright.

everything is not alright. not to renjun, at least.

jaemin slides his hands under renjun’s shirt, puts his hands on his waist. he squeezes, once, twice. traces circles into the skin with his thumbs. renjun lets his eyes shut, he starts to lose himself in the feeling of jaemin caressing such a sensitive part of his body. he’s taken out of his trance when he’s tugged down, and his eyes snap open to meet with jaemin’s. _closer than friends._

“i know how to make you stop thinking.” hands make their way into renjun’s hair, fingers thread through the strands and scratch at his scalp. renjun falls forward, and the tips of their noses bump. 

“can you see?” renjun asks him, genuinely, and the words fill the crowded space between their faces. jaemin cocks an eyebrow. “can you see my brain?” his voice is no louder than a whisper. he’s panicking, the words don’t make any sense to him.

the room goes blurry for a second, and he hears jaemin chuckle, “i can see everything, baby.” he can’t tell if it’s his imagination, or if the words really did come out of the younger boy’s mouth, but it sends him spiraling anyways.

renjun’s heart beats so fast, it feels like the vibration rocks his body. he’s so disoriented that he leans down further and their noses squish against each other. jaemin presses down on the small of his back, and their hips press together roughly. renjun feels the light scratch of jaemin’s jeans through his shorts.

jaemin pushes his head up and their lips brush, once, twice, reminiscent of the hands on his waist. before anything else happens, renjun jolts upwards, tenses his back, and falls unconscious. 

 

 

he wakes up, head pounding. last night feels like a dream, and he would’ve thought so, if it wasn’t for the polaroid of jaemin’s abs taped to his forehead and the bottle of painkillers nestled in his fist. 

he peels the photo off, giggling to himself, and sticks it onto the wall above his bed. he pulls out his pipe, packs it, and takes a hit. the drugs move quicker to his head than he expected, but he doesn’t feel quite too gone yet. he takes another hit, and dials jaemin’s number. 

when he brings his phone up to his face, he smells the weed on his fingers. he laughs loud, it resonates through the spacious room. 

jaemin doesn’t pick up the first time. he laughs even louder. when he does pick up, he says he's already on his way to renjun’s, and hangs up. laughs bubble up out of his throat and overflow, spilling out of his mouth. he has no doubt in his mind on what will happen.

 _will it happen, though?_ renjun’s typical paranoia sets in.

all he can do is wait it out. 

his hands start to shake. his lips are hungry for jaemin’s touch.

**Author's Note:**

> p-pls be nice its my first post uwu
> 
> i wrote this while high off my ass and watching cube on netflix so forgive me if this makes no sense i cant see straight lol
> 
> the part where they push their hips together doesnt have to be sexual but u can imagine wtvr u want... theyre teeny boppers and thats what teeny boppers do. im a teeny bopper and ive done worse so calm down sharon!
> 
> twt is @slusicheng and tumblr is @yesu-ng come holla at me


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